Coping Skills 101

This year in our county, we chose to focus more on coping skills at the elementary level.  The county required that all counselors teach 2-3 lessons (that they provided) on coping skills in the 3rd, 4th and 5th grade classes.  I loved the lessons and felt like they were very valuable life skills that could help students be more resilient and successful in the future.  I also felt like these lessons could help to prevent a lot of the social/emotional issues that we see come up at our school. 
I decided to also implement a modified version of these lessons at all grade levels k-5.  In k-1 I taught a few less coping skills, and then in the higher grades, I taught all of the coping skills.  We also practiced all of the skills in the classroom, including doing some mindfulness activities and some breathing exercises from Go Noodle. 
I have found these lessons to be SO beneficial.  It seems like we reference our Coping Skills poster so often in classroom lessons and in individual and group counseling.  I even gave my Assistant Principal a poster that she could use with students when they are in the office for discipline issues. 
My wonderful intern needed to complete a project for her internship.  Her task was to design a program or project that would benefit the school and enhance the school counseling program.  I knew exactly what I wanted her to do!  She tirelessly created over 40 posters for all my classrooms.  So next year, I will again review these coping strategies with all of my students, but now, every classroom in the school will have a copy of the poster to reference. 
Do you teach coping skills in your classroom lessons?  I would love to hear your ideas!

Liven up your program with new resources!

I don't know about you, but I always feel like new resources energize my program.  I get excited about the new resources, and my excitement is contagious with the kids! You know what makes a new resource even better?  When it is CHEAP!  The invention of Teachers Pay Teachers has made resources so affordable and easy to access.  And of course, the best ideas come from fellow school counselors. 

Here are a few items that I highly recommend from TPT:

1.  Christmas Reindeer Games:
 

https://www.teacherspayteachers.com/Product/Christmas-Reindeer-Games-Teasing-Meanness-Conflicts-and-Bullying-1589191

Around the holidays, I love to do something fun and seasonal, and this lesson definitely fits the bill.  It is so cute!  But more importantly, it teaches a very important concept that I have been trying to teach to students and adults for YEARS. At my school, we seem to struggle with overusing the bullying term.   In this lesson, students learn the difference between Teasing, Being Mean, Having a Conflict, and Bullying.  Students then use their critical thinking skills to analyze scenarios and decide which category each falls under.  The kids loved it--I had several students make comments to me in the hall about how great the lesson was, and my daughter said her class LOVED my lesson.  And I loved that they thoroughly grasped such an important concept by the end of the lesson.  This resource costs $4 and is worth every penny!

2.  The Friendship Book:



https://www.teacherspayteachers.com/Product/Friendship-Book-Friend-or-Frenemy-Healthy-Friendships-Girls-Group-3069620

I always struggle with teaching this topic.  It can be hard to help some students understand the difference between a true friend and a "fake" friend.  I originally bought this resource to use with a couple individual students who were having some "mean girl" issues, but I really fell in love with the resource.  I ended up using this resource for part of my friendship group, and also adapted the materials and used them for a 5th grade lesson on Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships.  This one costs a little more at $12.50 but totally worth it!

3.  Calming Strategies Classroom Guidance:


https://www.teacherspayteachers.com/Product/Calming-Strategies-Classroom-Guidance-Lesson-for-Teaching-Coping-Skills-2901297

This year I have focused on teaching coping skills at all grade levels, k-5.  I feel like this is a very important life skill, but can be a little dry if not taught the right way.  This lesson does a great job of making it fun.  First I talked about the movie Finding Dory and how great Crush was about "going with the flow."  I introduced the idea of coping skills and how they help us feel better if we are having a "yucky" feeling that doesn't feel good.  I then read the included booklet and write the strategies on the board as we discuss.  Finally the kids make their own turtle with the coping skills on the back.  The kids had so much fun making their turtles.  It made my realize that I can really "hook" students in by using more arts and crafts in my program.  This resource is a total bargain at $2!!!!



Hope this post helps you to make some great purchases that will liven up your program, both for you and your students  :)

Conflict Resolution

Conflict resolution is an area I focus on a lot in my counseling program.  It seems, inevitably, in the second half of the school year, we have more and more conflicts between peers.   Add in that we are a year-round school, and some groups of kids have been together for YEARS, and we may get more than our fair share of conflicts!  :)

I focus on really teaching the conflict resolution skills in 1st grade and then building on this foundation with some higher level skills in the upper grades.  The basic skills we teach in first grade are really the key to easily solving conflicts at school and home (not that your children ever fight with brothers, sisters, cousins or neighbors!) ;)

Below I am listing the 12 basic strategies that our students are taught.  We usually ask the students to try at least 3 strategies on their own before they ask for adult help.

1.  Walk away--This strategy is so simple.  Someone is doing something you don't like, and you simply walk away!  We know to do this as adults, but kids have to be taught to do this!
2.  Ignore--This strategy also has to be taught.  We teach students how to ignore in a way that is not rude or mean.
3.  Say please stop.  We ask them to say these words in a firm but nice voice.
4.  Talk it out.  For this strategy, students are asked to talk it out using  "I statements."  For instance, a child might say I feel sad  when you leave me out of the game.  Please let me play. This is the most difficult strategy and one that we practice A LOT!
5.  Wait and cool off.  Students are taught to walk away when they are angry and to take at least 10 deep breaths to calm down.
6.  Share and take turns.  An oldie, but goodie!   Such an easy way to solve most elementary age conflicts!
7.  Go to another game.  This strategy is similar to walk away.  Students are taught that if someone is being mean, or they are having a conflict, sometimes the best thing to do is go play with someone else.
8.  Make a deal.  Students are taught to problem-solve and find a win-win solution.  This means that each person should at least get a little bit of what they want.  As adults, we call is compromising.  :)
9.  Apologize.  Students are taught that everyone makes mistakes, and if you make a mistake, you should say I am sorry.  Students are taught to say what they are sorry for, and to say what they will do in the future instead.
10.  Forgive.  Students are also taught to have forgiving hearts.  If someone makes a mistake and apologizes, we should try to forgive and move on.
11.  Stick with Friends.   If someone is being mean to you, surround yourself with friends!  You will fill better AND the person will probably leave you alone.
12.  Shake it off.  Sometimes little things happen that are really not a big deal.  So someone stepped on your foot, but you are okay. . . students are taught to not sweat the small stuff!

Thank you for reinforcing the use of these skills at home and school!  Hopefully they will help make your home more peaceful as well!

Reach Higher!

I am so excited about what we have going on in our counseling department!  You may have heard that I recently went to Washington, D.C. and met Michelle Obama!!  She was honoring me, along with 15 other semifinalists and 5 finalists, for the ASCA School Counselor of the Year.

 

Mrs. Obama is so inspirational, and her latest program is very close to my heart.  The Reach Higher Initiative focuses on helping ALL American students to go to college!  Her program focuses on funding more school counselors to help with guiding students, as well as with making college more affordable.

Over the past few weeks, my intern and I have been teaching 4th and 5th grade students about college-readiness and how education influences career choices.  Students have learned about the different types of colleges, the different degrees that can be earned, and the connection between level of education and projected salary.

The students love it!  It brings me such joy to teach all students that college is an option FOR THEM!  Some students, as young as 4th grade, have shared that they don't think they can afford college.  Some have shared that no one in their family has gone to college, and it isn't something they ever considered.  By the end of the lessons, ALL students have reported that they think college is an option.  What a wonderful feeling to help our students DREAM BIG and to show them how to get there!

All students were given the homework of asking people they know about where they went to college, and what degree they earned.  Some students were not even sure where their parents went to school.  So start talking to your kids about college now!  It's never too early to start planning for a successful future!!

The picture shows the door of the counseling office.  We are showing our Alma Maters--I went to NC State for graduate school and my intern is currently enrolled at UNC. . . . so we are a SUITE DIVIDED :)

Grieving and the Holidays

For those of us who have lost a loved one, the holidays can bring up lots of feelings--some good and some sad.  This is true for us as adults as well as for children.  When the holidays approach, and we are surrounded by family, we especially notice those who are missing.  We remember memories of other holidays, and miss their presence.

First, it is important to remember that children grieve differently than adults.  While we might appear sad, a child might present as hyper.  Or they might start acting out a bit.  This could be your clue that your child is grieving.

Supporting your child through this process is very important.  The best way to support them is to keep the lines of communication open.  Allow them to share their feelings and memories with you.  If they do not feel comfortable talking about their feelings, encourage them to draw a picture or write about their feelings.  They can even keep the drawing or writing private if they prefer.

You also might want to discuss with the child if they would like to do anything special to remember the deceased person.   Common practices include enjoying a meal of their favorite foods, sharing special memories, hanging up a special ornament on a tree, lighting a candle in their memory, or making a donation in that person's honor.  The child might even want to make a special gift for the person.

Other suggestions for helping your child during this time include 1.  Trying to keep things as normal as possible.  Normal routines are comforting to children. 2.  Make sure your child is getting adequate rest and is eating healthy foods.  By doing this, your child can feel his/her physical best, and be best able to handle difficult feelings.  3.  Give lots of hugs if your child is comfortable with physical affection.  Physical touch is comforting.  4.  Let your child know that it is okay to feel sad and/or cry.  It's important to not hold feelings inside.

If you find that your child is having difficulty this holiday season, feel free to contact me at lfillard@wcpss.net or at (919) 773-9557.  Many children might feel more comfortable talking to an outside person for fear of upsetting their parents.

Social Media Safety

Social Media Safety for Kids and Parents

Over the past year, we have been seeing more and more issues arising from social media. . . yes, in elementary school!

Students are accessing more and more sites and apps.  Most students are using ipods, ipads and phones to access these apps, and their parents are often not aware that they are using the apps or how they are using the apps.   Students who have never been in trouble are getting caught up in cyberbullying, teasing, and rumors.  And many students are "friending" people that they do not know and sharing private information online, putting themselves in very dangerous situations.

Here you can find an article about the new challenges of monitoring online activity: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/monitoring-children-online-activity-facebook-article-1.1291993

Here's some information and tips to keep your child safe online. Together we can keep our students safe and teach them to make response decisions online and in real life!!
First, here are some general safety tips to share with your child:

—Be picky about your “friends”—never add anyone who you don’t know in real life, and don’t add people who are “questionable” friends

—Don’t post personal information about yourself such as address, phone number, where you live, where you are going on vacation, school, etc.

—Don’t post pictures that you wouldn’t want EVERYONE YOU KNOW to see. Once you post it, you can’t take it back.

—Don’t say anything online that you wouldn’t say in real life to the person’s face. Lots of “good kids” get in trouble for saying bad things online.

—“Grandma rule”—if you wouldn’t want your grandma to read it or see it, don’t put it online.

—Respect age restrictions. If the app does not allow users under 13, then you don’t need to be using that app!

—Set the strictest privacy features possible. Get your parents to help you if need be.

Popular Apps and Sites:You Tube:

—Age requirements: 13 and older

—Risks: Contact with strangers; posts and comments are allowed; videos can be shared via weblink; people can post videos of you without your permission; inappropriate videos can be watched; —Safety procedures: Set account to highest privacy settings; do not allow people to post material with you in it.

Facebook: 

—Age requirements: 13 and older

—Risks: Contact with strangers; sharing inappropriate content; cyberbullying through chat/posts; photos can unknowingly be saved and shared; your location can be disclosed.

—Safety procedures: Only accept people you know in real life; do not talk to strangers; monitor the material you post; set account to private.

Instagram: 

—Age requirements: 13 and older

—Risks: Inappropriate photos that can’t be taken back; inappropriate comments made or received; strangers; all pictures/content are property of Instagram; “photo map” identifies your location; photos can unknowingly be saved and shared; can be shared with Facebook and Twitter allowing more people to see your posts without your permission; hashtags that are used can be traced to your account.

—Safety procedures: Only friend people you know. Don’t post anything you wouldn’t want grandma to see or read. Don’t say anything you wouldn’t say in person. Use privacy features.

Kik:

—Age requirements: 13 and older

—Risks: Contact with strangers; inappropriate pictures/videos that can be sent to others; phone number, email, and other personal information can be disclosed for legal action and/or people at risk of being harmed; allows vague user names to anonymously post material; photos can unknowingly be saved and shared.

—Safety procedures: Make sure your profile is private. Block users who you do not know or who may be sending inappropriate content.

Twitter:

—Age requirements: None

—Risks: Archives tweets; strangers; inappropriate pictures that can’t be taken back; inappropriate messages received or sent; hashtags that are used can be traced to your account; photos can unknowingly be saved and shared.

—Safety procedures: Set your account to private; monitor the content you post; do not accept stranger’s follow requests; do not disclose personal information.

Snapchat:

—Age requirements: 12 and older

—Risks: Contact with strangers; deleted messages cannot be retrieved; messages can be captured by screen shots

—Safety procedures: Make sure your profile is private. Block users who you do not know or who may be sending inappropriate content.

Gossip and Rumors

I am currently visiting all of the 5th grade classrooms, and our topic is Gossip.  By upper elementary, the students really begin to notice things that are different about each other.  If a kid dresses differently or acts differently, that can turn into kids gossiping about that student.  Gossiping can be very hurtful, so we are reading a book entitled Trouble Talk that addresses this topic. 

During the lesson, students learn that before they spread a rumor, they should ask themselves three questions:

1.  Is it True? 

2. Is it something Good?

3. Is it Useful information?

If students are unable to answer "yes" to all 3 of these questions, then they should not share the information with others. 

Students were left with these thoughts on Kindness towards others:

Kindness sometimes means NOT doing something.

Not making that comment.

Not noticing that flaw.

Not assuming the worst about someone else.