Grieving and the Holidays

For those of us who have lost a loved one, the holidays can bring up lots of feelings--some good and some sad.  This is true for us as adults as well as for children.  When the holidays approach, and we are surrounded by family, we especially notice those who are missing.  We remember memories of other holidays, and miss their presence.

First, it is important to remember that children grieve differently than adults.  While we might appear sad, a child might present as hyper.  Or they might start acting out a bit.  This could be your clue that your child is grieving.

Supporting your child through this process is very important.  The best way to support them is to keep the lines of communication open.  Allow them to share their feelings and memories with you.  If they do not feel comfortable talking about their feelings, encourage them to draw a picture or write about their feelings.  They can even keep the drawing or writing private if they prefer.

You also might want to discuss with the child if they would like to do anything special to remember the deceased person.   Common practices include enjoying a meal of their favorite foods, sharing special memories, hanging up a special ornament on a tree, lighting a candle in their memory, or making a donation in that person's honor.  The child might even want to make a special gift for the person.

Other suggestions for helping your child during this time include 1.  Trying to keep things as normal as possible.  Normal routines are comforting to children. 2.  Make sure your child is getting adequate rest and is eating healthy foods.  By doing this, your child can feel his/her physical best, and be best able to handle difficult feelings.  3.  Give lots of hugs if your child is comfortable with physical affection.  Physical touch is comforting.  4.  Let your child know that it is okay to feel sad and/or cry.  It's important to not hold feelings inside.

If you find that your child is having difficulty this holiday season, feel free to contact me at lfillard@wcpss.net or at (919) 773-9557.  Many children might feel more comfortable talking to an outside person for fear of upsetting their parents.